If one were to watch the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, it might seem perfectly natural for women to want to parade about in skimpy and barely there lingerie. Who wouldn’t want to look like those goddesses, with expertly applied make-up, complete with opalescent glitter and a set of wings. They really do resemble angels, good and naughty ones, but angels not of this earth. Most fashion editorials that feature lingerie or sleepwear also seem to suggest that there is nothing that makes a woman feel more sexy and powerful than a killer pair of stilettos and some thigh-high stocking, a thong, and a demi-shelf bra with overflowing cups. Models, with fiercely sexy bedroom eyes, looking somewhat far away, somehow almost like feral felines can be seen pawing across a satin sheeted bed, a chaise lounge, or a fur rug in front of a roaring fire.
I can totally understand it, I was there once upon a time. In my early twenties (a long time ago in the early 90s), I was the girl who dressed that sexy for my man. I wore french seamed stockings, garters, matching lingerie sets, fluttery silk bikini bloomers, the odd teddy, and even a well loved cat-suit. I was a curvy girl, and I liked the sexual charge I got from showing off those curves to an appreciative man. I spent a lot of money on all that satin, lace, and silk, and it was fun to surprise my fella with a new outfit on me on special occasions, or just for fun. But even at the time, I was very well aware that all that corsetry, underwire, and elastic – especially those tricky thigh high stockings and garters – were for fun, and hardly practical.
Looking back, I should have saved my money, I wore those sexy looks very few times for the relative expense of them, and they really don’t do for everyday wear. I know I could never have actually relaxed in any of that stuff, it was not sleepwear, nor was it shape-wear, and it was appropriate for a very short time in my life. No woman looks at a skimpy push-up bra, a thong, garters, and thigh-highs and thinks to herself “now this is one comfortable outfit, I shall sleep like a dream in this puppy!”
So that brings me to my favorite Valentine’s Day related topic. The things men buy for women, and what they think the message they are sending is. Normally I would never presume to address a post assuming that all couples are heterosexual, but if two women are buying for each other, they have a different idea of what each other wants, so for the sake of argument here, just go with me on this. If a man was to buy his lady a look such as those seen in a lingerie add or on the VS runway, he may think he is saying to her “you are as sexy as all of those girls and I want to see you looking like my very own goddess.” A very sweet thought indeed, and perhaps the most innocent of motivations for such a purchase, *wink wink, nudge nudge*. But men, be warned, when you buy a woman lingerie without her input you are likely to buy the wrong size or style, and you may make her feel like she is just not sexy enough as she is. Don’t kid yourself, it will go through her mind no matter how much you assure her she is perfect ‘just as she is’.
Pro Tip: Even the most confident of women likes to decide for herself how she displays her own body.
Now, imagine that you give her a gift card to her favorite lingerie shop, and let her choose what she wants and needs. Do you think her purchases would be different from yours? You betcha, for sure! She may purchase a new selection of panties, a few new supportive bras to keep the ‘girls’ happy, and maybe even a new nightgown or robe. What is the difference, you ask? Comfort! Say it with me now boys, a woman loves to be comfortable. I am not talking about her wearing your old T-shirts and a pair of sweat pants here, I am talking about something she can feel sexy in, that flatters her figure, but lets her express herself while being comfortable enough to cuddle, take care of the kids, get the morning paper off the lawn, and still feel like she can be your vixen in bed. Yes, what women really want in bed is to be comfortable. That can encompass a wide range of styles, some very sexy indeed, other more modest, but all meant to fall softly over the body and let that most feminine, delicate, and smooth skin breathe.
So what can you buy your special lady, and this goes for both the fellas and the same-sex partners, to make her feel perfectly sexy and comfortable all at once, and be reasonably sure you have the perfect fit… lounge wear and/or sexy pajamas of course. If you want to make her feel fabulous, get her something she can wear on any given Sunday, watch the game with you, and still get in and out of in a flash for sexy times.
Searching out great comfortable PJs and lounge wear on Etsy is easy as pie, and you can get some really unique and lovely looks, with custom hand made touches of brilliance. You can pick your favorite colours, or hers, or go with a classic white linen nightgown with a little bit of sheer and a whole lot of sexy. The point I am trying to make is that the head-to-toe matchy matchy lingerie set is so passe, unless you are planning your wedding night look, a “third date” seduction, or a Playboy Bunny Centerfold shoot. It may be fun when you are twenty to play sex-goddess, but when you get past that little right of passage, you know that sexy is all about what is on the inside and what you can inspire in your partner by virtue of your confidence, your sense of humor, and your knowing just what ‘look’ will have them hauling you over their shoulder and rushing you into the bedroom on a Thursday night.
Mondays here at the Fab are all about fashion, the trends, the finds, the accessories, but it is also about being honest about what is really something that can be as simple and easy as a great set of pajamas that makes you feel wonderful, whether you are in a relationship or not. Ask any woman, the best part of her day is when she can finally take off that torture device known as a brassiere, the one with the elastic and wires that has been cutting into her tender flesh since she put it on that morning.
Please check out all of these fabulous looks I stumbled upon on the fabulous and ever changing Etsy, and think about the Valentine’s Day gifts you are planning for your sweetie, your kids, your pets, and your loved ones. Buy them something they would never expect, something practical and lovely at the same time, and believe me, you will be well appreciated for your efforts. Any of these featured items (with links and credits under every picture) would be perfect, and if it is too late for Valentine’s Day, there is always an anniversary, birthday, or holiday coming up that would suit just as nicely as an excuse to spoil your lover.
No woman (or man for that matter) needs another heart-shaped box of chocolates, wilting bunch of over-priced roses or (*gag*) carnations, or g-d forbid a silly little teddy bear with a heart in it’s hands. If they sell it at the local convenience store, it is not going to cut it. Instead plan a night of great takeaway food, get a few softly glowing unscented candles, a fabulous bottle of wine (with a real cork in it), and some comfortable clothing to start the night in. Believe me, by the end of the night, you will have forgotten all about that silly lingerie and just be thankful that you took my advice.
You may disagree with me, so feel free to comment – I mean obviously someone out there is still buying that binding, lacey, ruffled, frou frou lingerie, it can be a lot of fun and very sexy indeed, there is lots of that to be found on Etsy as well, some from the same vendors I have highlighted here. But I imagine that more women would admit to secretly desiring a slightly sexy yet comfortable piece of lounge wear, or a soft and light nightie, than a pair of cellulite pinching stay up thigh high stocking and stilettos… in fact, I would bet my blog on it. Have a fabulous Valentine’s Day everyone!